Rion was struggling.

He spent a couple days seeing Dr. Maes regularly. They talked a lot. Rion wasn’t sure it was helping but being able to vent was…nice. And Dr. Maes was good at listening.

He still wanted to wipe himself off the face of the Earth. But maybe he would always feel that way. Maybe there was no helping it.

Other than Dr. Maes, his dad was the only visitor.

The two of them talked about a lot of things too. It was mostly his dad who did the talking, though. He wanted to spend more time together. He talked about maybe going on a small trip, just to get away from Misty Meadows for a while.

The thought was nice. Rion had no idea where they could go, and it didn’t sound like his dad had any idea either. It was cold out and even though the previous snow melted, the forecast was predicting heaps more in the coming weeks.

Rion supposed they could go skiing but he’d never been into that.

No one else came to see him. Rion was fine with that. He didn’t know what to say to them anyway, and he was sure they wanted nothing to do with him. He was fine with that.

So when they told him he had a visitor, he expected his dad to walk through the door.

Instead, it was Noa.

He was dressed in his normal clothes, winter coat in his arms. And all Rion could do was stand and stare at him, gaping. Because he hadn’t expected this at all and was struggling to believe it was even real.

“Hi,” Noa said. “I’ve been discharged. I wanted to see you as soon as I could.”

“I…” Rion tried to speak.

But the words were caught in his throat. He didn’t know what to say.

He didn’t need to say anything. Noa walked over, dropping his coat on the bed so that he could pull Rion into a hug.

Rion hugged him right back as hard as he could. The tears were there instantly, and he squeezed his eyes shut tight, the words finally coming to him.

“I’m sorry,” he said into Noa’s shoulder. “I’m so sorry. Everything’s all my fault. I ruined everything.”

“You didn’t,” Noa said. “It’s okay. It was my fault too.”

Rion tried to shake his head but Noa began to pull back. Rion clung to him, desperate, before he realized he shouldn’t squeeze the breath out of his best friend. He let go and Noa put some space between them.

But Noa didn’t pull away. Not completely. He grabbed Rion by the arms and Rion grabbed him right back, holding on for dear life, hands fisted in his sleeves.

“I have a lot of things to tell you,” Noa said.

“Like that it’s not my fault?” Rion said. “Please don’t say that. I don’t want to hear it.”

“It’s not about that,” Noa said. “I did things, and you did things, and… I’m not mad at you.”

“I’m not mad at you either,” Rion said. “I’m just… I’m sorry about Amber. And I’m sorry that I fought with you. I’m sorry I didn’t go away when you asked me to. I’m sorry you got hurt and sent to the hospital. And I’m sorry that things aren’t the way they used to be, and…”

It was all coming out of him in a rush. Noa gripped him tighter and cut in when Rion gasped for breath, hiccupping, tears rolling down his cheeks.

“I’m sorry too,” Noa said. “I’m sorry for all of that too. And I forgive you. I forgive you for everything.”

It wasn’t what Rion was expecting to hear. He wasn’t ready for it. The words opened a floodgate and all he could do was cling to Noa and cry.

Noa held onto him. He let Rion cry and breathe and be a mess of a person.

“I forgive you too. For everything,” Rion finally struggled to say.

“I know,” Noa said. “There’s something else I need to tell you. It’s really, really important.”

“What? What is it?”

“My father’s here.”

Rion blinked at him, trying to catch up to the weight of that statement.

“Your…your dad?” he said. “He’s here? He… How is he?”

“Good,” Noa said. “He’s good. We’ve been talking. He… I only have so much time to explain. I have a lot to do, but… I was right. This whole time I was right. He told me the truth. Everything with Mother was an accident. He saved my life and he never meant to kill her.”

Rion gave him a wavering smile, sniffling. “I knew… I always knew you were right. That’s… That’s great, Noa.”

Noa nodded and then said, “He wants me to live with him.”

It hurt as much as a physical blow. Because Rion already knew what Noa’s answer would be. He already knew what Noa would want.

He should be happy for him. He should be happy that Noa could be back with his dad again, that they could reconnect.

But Rion felt like he was losing Noa.

He felt like he was losing everything.

Rion couldn’t see anything through his tears, the world a blurry smear of dull colours.

“Th-that…that’s great,” he choked out. “Noa… You should… You should go. You should be with him. That’s so…”

He couldn’t finish. It hurt too much. Rion felt like he was being cleaved open. There were needles in his throat. He couldn’t speak.

Noa was going to leave him and they would never see each other again. It was all over. It was done.

Rion thought he might never see Noa again when he’d gone up to the roof, but that was different. That would be because he would die and go to Hell, and…

Not like this.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this.

“We’re going to go to Japan for a bit,” Noa said.

Every word was a cut, a gash, a wound. This was a million times worse than rolling through glass. Rion wanted to puke.

“And then I’m going to come back.”

“To the city, right?” Rion said. “You used to live in the city.”

“We’re still talking about it,” Noa said.

And what did that mean? Would they move even farther away? Would he make plans to move to Japan?

Did it matter? Noa was leaving him forever.

Rion braced himself, prepared for what Noa would say next. It would probably be something like ‘I’ll call’ or ‘I’ll write’ and then it would happen for a while until it didn’t. Just like how it had been with Danny.

One day, they would stop talking. And they’d never see each other again. Noa would be gone.

He would be gone.

Rion would be totally alone.

“Okay,” Rion forced out. “That’s…great. It’s great, Noa.”

“I want you to wait for me.”

Rion tried to blink away his tears. He didn’t understand.

“Wait for you?” he said.

“Wait for me,” Noa said. “There needs to be someone here for me to come back to. And I want to come back to you.”

Rion tried to understand. He felt stupid for how long it took him.

Noa wanted to come back for him.

“You… You want me to be here?” he said.

“They told me you tried to jump off the roof,” Noa said. And then Rion realized Noa was crying too. “Don’t do that to me. Don’t leave me behind. Don’t make me follow you where neither of us should go.”

“I wouldn’t want you to follow me!” Rion said, gripping him tighter. “I want you to be happy…”

“I can’t be happy without you.”

“You don’t mean that… You don’t want me around.”

“I do mean it. I’ve never meant anything more. I lied when I said I wanted you to go away. I was… I was just scared of hurting you.”

Noa pulled him into another bone crushing hug. Rion hugged him back just as fiercely, hanging on tight. He tried not to sob, his chest quivering from the strain.

“I love you,” Noa said.

“I love you too,” Rion said, his voice thick with tears.

“You’re my best friend. You’re the best friend I could ever ask for. I’d be lost without you. I would be… I would be dead without you.”

“Don’t say that, Noa.”

“But it’s true.”

“Well… Well, I’d be dead without you too,” Rion said, voice wavering. “You’re my best friend too. You’re everything to me.”

“That’s why I need you to be here when I come back,” Noa said. “You can’t kill yourself, okay? You can’t. Please. I’ll come back. I really will. I promise. I’ll try to get Father to buy a house in town. I’ll try… I’ll do whatever I can. I won’t leave you behind.”

Rion was shaking and crying, clutching at Noa. Because he wanted desperately for all of that to be true. He didn’t want Noa to leave and to never see him again. He couldn’t stand it.

“You promise?” Rion said. “You’ll come back?”

“I promise,” Noa said. “I promise, I promise, I promise. I’ll always come back for you. No matter what, I’ll find a way. Promise me you’ll still be here.”

“I promise,” Rion said. And he meant it. “I promise I won’t let you down. I…”

“Promise you won’t kill yourself.”

“I promise.”

“You have to say the whole thing.”

“I promise I won’t kill myself. I promise I’ll wait for you.”

Noa pulled back. They were both teary eyed and snot faced. Rion tried to scrub the worst of it away, but it was no use.

Noa held out his hand, pinky raised.

Rion let out a wavering laugh. He raised his own pinky, hooking them together.

“Pinky promise?” he said.

“Cross my heart,” Noa said, “and hope to die.”

“Stick a needle in my eye,” Rion finished.

Rion went to pull his hand back but Noa grabbed hold. He gave his hand a squeeze. Rion squeezed back.

“Keep seeing Dr. Maes,” Noa said.

“I’m going to,” Rion said, sniffling. “I have to.”

“I’m going to do the same,” Noa said. “But I need to wait until I come back. I… I also told everyone the truth…”

“What?” Rion gasped, grabbing onto Noa’s hand tight with both of his own. “Why did you–?! Noa, no!”

“It’s okay,” Noa said. “It’s okay. It’s… If they’re mad at me or not… It’s my punishment. And I’m going to be with Father, so… Everyone has time to think about it.”

Rion opened his mouth to protest but then closed it. That made sense. Noa would be away and safe from everyone. Maybe… Maybe going with his dad was the better choice after all.

“Does your father… Does he know?” Rion asked.

“Yes,” Noa said. “I told him.”

“Is he mad?”

“We’re the same. Because of Mother. He understands, even if he isn’t happy… He didn’t know Amber that well.”

“I guess that’s… Does this mean you’re leaving right away?”

Noa nodded. “I have to pack up my things. I’m not sure I’ll be able to come back and say goodbye because we’re leaving today or tomorrow.”

“That...that’s so soon,” Rion said, feeling dizzy. “Will you call? Or write?”

“Peter said you probably have an email,” Noa said. “I don’t have one, but he said it would be easier if we did it that way.”

Rion blinked. He had an email, but he mostly used it to sign up for things and do stuff online. He didn’t really have anyone to talk to or message or anything.

But that… It would work. It would be better than writing letters and easier than calling.

“Um… Um, yeah. I can write it down or something,” Rion said. “I can’t check it in the hospital, but… There’s also MSN, and… I didn’t even think about that.”

“Peter knows more about it than I do,” Noa admitted. “But he said he would help me set it up. He wanted me to give you his email too. For when you get out of the hospital. He said he could help set everything up.”

“Yeah… Yeah, that’s… That’s great,” he said.

Rion was stunned. It felt like everything was happening so fast. He was having trouble keeping up.

“Um… I should get going,” Noa said. “I need to pack, and… Father and everyone else are waiting for me.”

“I don’t want you to leave,” Rion said.

The words left him before he could stop himself. Noa gave his hand another squeeze.

“I don’t want to leave you either,” Noa said. “But I’ll come back. And you’ll be here, waiting.”

Rion nodded. He wasn’t okay with it, but he was reassured. He believed in Noa.

Maybe if he took some time to lay down and breathe and think about it… Or maybe if he talked to Dr. Maes…

He had to make this work. For Noa.

Noa pulled his hand away. Rion wanted to grab onto him again and never let go. But it was impossible, and he couldn’t hold Noa back.

Noa should be with his dad. He should be with his family. He should reconnect with them and be happy.

“I’ll talk to you every day,” Noa said.

“Same here,” Rion told him. “It’s not… This isn’t goodbye.”

“It’s not goodbye,” Noa said. “It’s… I’ll see you later.”

“Yeah,” Rion said with a wavering smile. “I’ll see you later.”