Jesse left the others to get a coffee with Mr. Blum. He didn’t really want coffee, but he wasn’t about to turn the man down.

It was sinking in that the entire situation was different for Mr. Blum. He’d almost lost Rion.

He’d almost lost his son.

Jesse had lost a child. He only just found out. It still hurt, still stung, especially when he was forced to think about it. And he’d lost Amber. And Rion had played some part in all of that. It created a horrible mixture of emotions that ate away at him in waves.

But Jesse hadn’t had the chance to know the child he and Amber could have had and raised and loved. Mr. Blum had raised Rion. He’d lived with him, gotten to know him, loved him. Even if he was absent…

It was a different kind of pain, but Jesse understood. He didn’t want to know what it was like, but he understood in a way he wouldn’t have before today. It left him empty and aching.

They picked out a table away from the others. Jesse figured they’d need to talk. He still didn’t know what to say but after everything that happened, he was sure that Mr. Blum needed to talk to someone.

Jesse felt like he needed to talk to someone too. These feelings were all too familiar and he knew how easily they could spiral out of control.

“They won’t let me see Rion just yet,” Mr. Blum said. “They told me they wanted to move Rion. They want to make sure he doesn’t… You know…”

“Try to hurt himself again?” Jesse said and Mr. Blum nodded. “Um, well, the Murphys can visit Noa, so I’m sure you’ll be able to see him soon.”

Then they both fell silent.

It was hard to talk to Mr. Blum. Rion’s dad wasn’t someone that Jesse was close to. He’d only seen him in passing these past six years and even before then, they usually only saw each other when Mr. Blum was picking Rion up or dropping him off somewhere.

Amber used to say that she was worried about Mr. Blum. Sometimes he wasn’t home until late, or late for when they were kids – nine or ten at night. When Amber talked about him, she gave the impression that Mr. Blum was sad and hurt and alone.

Jesse hadn’t understood then, but he understood now. He felt lost, directionless, and even though he was finding out the truth about what happened to Amber…

It didn’t make things better. It made the pain fresh again.

“I’m sorry,” Mr. Blum finally said.

“What for?” Jesse asked.

“Amber… She was your girlfriend, wasn’t she?” Mr. Blum said. “I remember… I never went to her funeral. Rion went with the Murphys, and… I guess you could say I’m a coward.”

His smile was bitter. He fiddled with his coffee.

“You don’t need to apologize for that,” Jesse said. He didn’t know where this was coming from or why Mr. Blum would bring up Amber. He probably barely knew her, like he barely knew Jesse. “I hardly even remember her funeral and I was there.”

He remembered crying a lot. He remembered all the horrible feelings that ate at him, how it had been hard to even speak to anyone. When he’d gone home, he’d hid in his room and refused to eat and barely existed as a miserable mess for at least a day or two.

He would happily do that right now. And he hated that he felt that way.

“But you loved her,” Mr. Blum said. “Right?”

“Of course,” Jesse said without hesitation.

“This is an excuse, but I couldn’t bring myself to go,” he said. “I thought of Dawn and her funeral and I… I couldn’t do it. I’m horrible at funerals. I went to work instead. I ran away.”

And Jesse could relate to that. He didn’t think he could bear to go to another funeral for years and years.

“I’m horrible at funerals too,” Jesse said.

“Maybe I should have gone,” Mr. Blum said. “Or I should have taken Rion. He was having a really hard time back then, and I should have… I don’t know. I would ask him how he was doing and he’d say he was fine, but… I knew he wasn’t okay. I thought maybe he needed space. I should have paid more attention. I should have been home more often and talked to him… I’m a terrible father.”

Jesse didn’t know what to say to that. It didn’t feel like a conversation they should be having. It felt too strange and personal. He raised his coffee, taking a sip.

It was too hot. His mouth stung.

“I don’t know about that,” Jesse said after an uncomfortable silence.

“I don’t think Rion would be in such a bad place if I had been there for him more,” Mr. Blum said. He teared up and took a napkin to scrub at his eyes. “Sorry. I’m a mess.”

“That’s okay,” Jesse said. “There’s a lot going on…”

He briefly wondered if he should tell him what Rion said, about what he’d done to Amber. He quickly thought better of it.

Mr. Blum was probably better off not knowing. And what would he do with that knowledge anyway? It wouldn’t change anything. It would only make him more miserable, like the rest of them.

Amber was still dead. Their baby was still gone.

“I can’t thank you enough,” Mr. Blum said. “Really. I don’t know what I would have done if Rion had… If he’d jumped. I don’t know… I already lost Dawn. If I lost Rion too…”

And Jesse felt that. He knew exactly what Mr. Blum meant. Because it was the same for him. He’d lost everything.

Jesse hadn’t ever thought about how hard it must have been for Mr. Blum to have lost his wife. But it made sense to him now. And losing Rion…

Jesse felt guilty for telling Rion that he needed to live with what he’d done. But even if he said it out of pure selfishness, it was true. He’d say it again. And he’d do it again.

Saving Rion was the right thing to do. Even if he’d only done it selfishly.

“Rion… I think he’ll be okay. Eventually,” Jesse said, though he wasn’t sure how true his own words were. But he wanted to believe it and Mr. Blum needed to hear it. “He can get all the help he needs, and… You’re here now. Even if you think you’re a bad parent… I mean, as long as Rion’s alive, you can try and fix that. Right?”

“God, I hope so,” Mr. Blum said.

“Oh, there you are!” a warm, feminine voice said.

It was Dr. Maes. She came over at a quick pace, clipboard in hand.

“I was looking for you, Hart,” Dr. Maes said.

“Is Rion all right?” Mr. Blum said, already out of his seat and fully alert.

“Yes. We moved him,” Dr. Maes said. “I’d like to talk to you if you have time…”

She glanced between him and Jesse, who was getting to his feet.

“I should get back to the others,” Jesse said. “You… Good luck, Mr. Blum. I hope everything’s okay.”

“Thank you, Jesse,” Mr. Blum said, his words heartfelt. “Take care.”

“You too,” Jesse said.