Jesse barely paid attention as he walked, his legs moving mechanically on their own. He went down the stairs, the door echoing as it closed behind him.

Rion electrocuted Amber.

Amber was pregnant.

Jesse felt like he was going to puke.

It didn’t feel real. None of it felt real.

How could Amber have been pregnant? How could he be finding out now?

Amber would have told him! She said she would tell him! They’d made all those plans together! Did it not mean anything to her?

It had to, right? They loved each other, right? She had been planning on telling him, right?

A baby…

They were going to have a baby…

And then Rion put her in the bathtub with a blow dryer.

Jesse felt like his heart was being torn up, stabbed and shredded to bits. His chest hurt. His head hurt. His stomach hurt. Everything hurt. He was shaking as his legs moved him down one step at a time, his breathing unsteady.

This was just like the day Amber died.

It was just like when he was pulled aside and told there was a fire, that Amber didn’t make it…

Jesse could barely see through his tears as he descended.

Amber was meant to live. She was supposed to marry him out of high school. They were supposed to be together, happy and in love. Amber had her whole life ahead of her. She was going to be a mom and live her dreams and do whatever she wanted, with Jesse at her side–

It wasn’t right! None of this was right!

Jesse tripped on the last few steps. He stumbled into the landing wall and leaned against it, sobbing as he clutched his chest, fisting a hand in his shirt.

None of this ever should have ever happened! None of it was right!

How had this slipped by everyone for so many years? How had he overlooked Rion’s behaviour? He electrocuted Amber, knew he’d killed Amber, and spent the next six years keeping it a secret from everyone! And Noa – Noa must have known!

How! How could they do that?!

Jesse slid to the ground, resting on his hands and knees, choking on his tears, sobbing. He curled in on himself, shaking, gasping every breath. He clenched his hands into fists, balling them up until they shook from the strain.

Jesse was overwhelmed.

He was so angry and hurt and frustrated. His chest ached so deeply, his heart clenching, throbbing like it was about to burst. He couldn’t handle it, couldn’t take it.

He was furious and miserable. He wished they’d never asked Rion for his side of the story. He wished he’d just believed what everyone else told him and never thought about it ever again. The closer he looked, the deeper he delved, the worse it was.

Jesse pushed himself around, propping himself against the wall, sitting. He scrubbed at his face with a sleeve, wiping away tears and snot but it kept coming. He pulled his arms around himself, boxing himself, unable to stop the tears from coming.

Amber was dead. Nothing could bring her back. Nothing could change it. It was horrible, and fucked, and… How could anything ever make this right?

He sucked in deep breaths, trying to steady himself, but it wasn't working.

Jesse sat there until he couldn’t cry anymore, until he was clutching at his chest and huffing out hard gasps, dry breaths. He was drained, exhausted, but he was still an emotional wreck. He tried to focus on something, anything, but all he could hear were the distant hospital pages that echoed through the stairwell.

“Attention please. Code Yellow. Seventeen-year-old male, shoulder length dark hair, wearing hospital gown. Last seen on fourth floor, Pediatrics. If seen, please call 4009. Again, Code Yellow. Seventeen-year-old male–”

Jesse wiped at his face again, grimacing. His heart was still pounding. He wasn’t calm at all. He was emotionally worn, drained and defeated.

He needed some fresh air. He needed something to clear his head. And he wanted to be alone.

Jesse slowly picked himself up, still shaking, breathing hard. He was already on the stairs. He could go back down to the main floor, but he didn’t want to. It would be crowded down there, and… No. He wasn’t ready to face anyone. Not even a stranger.

Then he looked up.

Did the hospital have rooftop access?

It would be a bit of a walk up the stairs. But no one was here. He was by himself. And he would be able to get some fresh air if he could get up to the top. Maybe going up the stairs would help clear his head. The exercise couldn’t be bad for him.

Still sniffling, Jesse started to climb his way back up.