On Sundays there was a nine o’clock mass and an eleven o’clock mass. Since most people went to church at eleven, Sarina and her friends included, Rion went at nine.

Rion’s mother had been Catholic. One of the few memories he had of her was when they went to church when he was little. After she passed away, she left him an old rosary that faintly smelled of roses. He’d spent countless hours rolling the beads between his fingers, trying to remember her face and the sound of her voice.

His dad didn’t seem to believe in much of anything and he hadn’t come to church in years. He used to take Rion after his mom died, up until Rion started to get older and went with his friends.

And now, Rion went to church alone.

He didn’t exactly enjoy going to church. He did it out of obligation and for his mother. He was sure she would have wanted him to go. But in all honesty, he had a lot of doubts. He questioned everything.

It was hard to understand how terrible things could happen to good people. If there was a God who could make things right, why would He allow suffering? There was random chance and free will, but…it was hard to understand and even harder to accept.

Still, Rion wanted to believe that when good people died, like Amber or his mom, that they went to Heaven. He wanted to believe that sins could be forgiven. Maybe that was naïve, but…

If he didn’t believe, Rion didn’t have anything to turn to. Religion gave him a small sliver of hope that not everything in the world was terrible, even if he had his doubts. And praying gave him someone to talk to. It made him feel like he wasn’t completely alone.

Rion usually sat at a pew in the back, away from everyone else. When he walked in that Sunday, he spotted Danny and his family picking out seats at the front of the church. And they spotted him too.

Danny immediately smiled and waved him over enthusiastically. Rion smiled and waved back, trying to pretend that he misinterpreted the gesture as a greeting. It didn’t work. Danny left his spot and walked over to Rion.

“Rion, come sit with us!” Danny said, keeping his voice low.

Not seeing a way out of a direct request, Rion gave in, saying, “Oh, sure. Okay.”

The hour passed both fast and slow in a strange combination. Rion felt like he was being watched, imagining the stares he was getting from sitting at the front. There was a prickling at the back of his neck. He could almost count the seconds that passed. But for every dragged out second, there was a brief glance from Danny or a smile from Mr. and Mrs. Fox that seemed to wipe out entire ten-minute chunks at a time.

It was nice to not be alone. It was nostalgic. He could remember coming to church when he was younger. He used to sit next to Noa and the Murphys before Amber died. More than once, he and Noa were scolded or shushed because they were talking too loudly.

Amber used to affectionately call Rion and Noa ‘Double Trouble’.

Noa hadn’t come to church since she died.

“Let’s hang out after church,” Danny whispered as things were wrapping up, just before announcements.

“Maybe,” Rion said before realizing what he was agreeing to. “I mean, it’s probably a bad idea.”

“I want to talk to you,” Danny said, pulling puppy dog eyes on him. “Please?”

“…Fine,” Rion relented. Refusing outright in church was just too awkward. It felt wrong. “Okay. We’ll hang out.”

After the closing hymn, they were free. Everyone began to leave and they followed the crowd out the door.

“Rion and I are going to hang out,” Danny told his parents. “I’ll be home later.”

“Don’t forget to finish unpacking your clothes when you get back,” Mrs. Fox said. “I’m not having one of my sons dress himself out of a garbage bag for weeks.”

“Yeah, I know. I’ll see you later,” Danny said cheerfully. As they left, he turned to Rion. “Did you want to do coffee or something?”

Coffee… Rion didn’t want to go out anywhere in public where they could be seen together. He wanted to do as little damage to Danny’s image as he could. Anywhere public was off limits.

“That’s okay,” he said. “I don’t feel like going to the hotel or whatever.”

“Okay. Then where do you want to go? Or what do you want to do?” Danny asked.

Rion thought about it. “…Do you want to come over to my place?”

It was the most private location Rion could think of. They were safe to do whatever they wanted at Rion’s and no one would see them. Dad probably wouldn’t be home until Monday and there was still food and drinks. They’d grabbed groceries on Thursday. There was even some chips and pop.

Danny’s eyes lit up at the suggestion. “Sure! I’d love that!”

The walk to Rion’s place was short. Rion kept an eye out for anyone who might see them together. Of course, everyone would probably know that they hung out by tomorrow, because that's how fast people talked around town. He still tried his best to preserve Danny's reputation.

This would all come back to bite him after the weekend, Rion was sure. Sarina would most likely corner him at school again. Maybe he could try hiding in the bathroom…

No… No, Kyle or Eric would probably hunt him down. On their own, they were much worse than with Sarina.

They got to his place and Rion let them in. The house was big and there was even a curved staircase that led to the upstairs. Rion showed Danny into the living room on the left.

“Holy–! Is that an Xbox, a PS2, and a GameCube?!” Danny exclaimed. “And whooooa! Nice flatscreen TV! That’s so cool!”

Rion shrugged. “Yeah. It’s just me and my dad. He likes to get me games and stuff for birthdays or whatever.”

Danny grinned. “Do you have Halo?”

“Yeah, of course,” Rion said. He didn’t mention that it was far from his favourite game. He’d developed a serious, committed relationship with Animal Crossing. He played almost every day. “We can play some games if you want. Pretty sure I have chips too. Let me just check on flavours and dip and stuff.”

“You have everything! This is crazy!” Danny gushed. “What about your dad? Does he work today? When is he coming home?”

“Probably not until Monday,” Rion said. “Half his weekends are spent overnight in the city. I don’t know if he gets a hotel or if he works all day and night or whatever.”

Danny deflated. “Oh… Oh, that sucks, actually.”

Rion shrugged. “Not really. I’m used to it.”

“So…what do you do for supper normally?” Danny asked.

“I cook whatever I want,” Rion said. “It’s not that hard. I’ve got all of Mom’s old family cookbooks and Dad keeps the fridge stocked. If I’m lazy, I just have cheese and crackers or whatever.”

Danny was looking at him funny. Rion began to feel uncomfortable.

“What?” he asked.

“I’m going to ask Mom and Dad if we can have you over for supper some time,” Danny said.

“No, it’s fine. I’m good,” Rion said. “It’s better that people don’t see us together.”

Danny was frowning now. “Is it because of Sarina?”

Rion didn’t want to talk about it. He didn’t want to explain himself.

“Sit down,” he said. “Turn on the TV or whatever. I’m going to get snacks.”

He left Danny there and went to see what they had for chips. There was plain, salt and vinegar, and BBQ, along with both dill dip and onion. Rion grabbed everything and put it down on the coffee table.

“Drinks?” he asked.

“Water’s good,” Danny said.

He had taken a seat, but he was looking uncomfortable now. Well, Rion couldn’t do anything about that. He got them water, setting down the drinks before sitting down on the couch too.

Then there was a long, uncomfortable silence.

“Um…” Danny finally said. “I’m really trying to understand what’s going on right now.”

“I’m an asshole and you’re hanging out with me,” Rion told him plainly. “But hey, free snacks and game time. So you’re not losing out.”

“That’s not… I’m not using you,” Danny said, finally sounding annoyed with him. “And I don’t think you’re an asshole.”

Rion laughed. “Really? After what I told you yesterday?”

“Yes,” Danny said. “I don’t think you’re an asshole. I just don’t.”

Rion realized he was serious and he could only sit there, confused. He didn’t get it. Why wasn’t Danny upset with him. He’d told him about the friendship bracelet.

Did Danny…not believe him?

“Did you want to see the bracelet?” Rion asked, wondering if he was asking for proof.

“No…” Danny said and then turned to him. “Wait. So, you didn’t throw it away?”

The question was like a gut punch. Rion couldn’t help but recoil and turn away.

“No, but I probably should have,” Rion said. “It’s pretty much just dead bits of string. It’s garbage now.”

“You must have been really upset…”

Rion tensed. He didn’t need to hear this. Should he just kick Danny out? He began to seriously consider it.

“I mean…” Danny continued, “I know it was really hard for you and Noa. You were both there when Amber died and it was really…it was really awful. You were both hurt and scared and… I’ve had nightmares about what you must have gone through, okay? I know I don’t get what it’s like, but… I’m not gonna blame you for being upset over something so messed up and horrible.”

Messed up and horrible… Ha. Danny didn’t even know what that meant.

Rion reached up and scrubbed his face with his hands, mostly rubbing at his cheeks. He tried to collect himself, but he felt uncomfortable. He was hot and nauseous and shaky.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Rion said. “I can’t. Not right now. I don’t want to think about it. It was six years ago and… I just can’t.”

“Is that why you didn’t come to visit Amber’s grave yesterday?” Danny asked.

There were too many reasons why Rion couldn’t go to Amber’s grave.

First, there was the fact that it was Amber’s grave. He couldn’t face her. He would never be able to face her. Not even her tombstone. The fact that her family was there yesterday would only have made it worse and on top of that… Sarina was bound to be there. She would’ve lost her shit if he showed up.

“I couldn’t go,” Rion said. “I can’t. I don’t expect you to understand.”

“I think I might. Kind of,” Danny said. “Noa was there, you know. I talked to him.”

Rion’s breath caught.

Noa. Danny talked to Noa.

“What…what did he say?” Rion asked, voice tight.

“He wanted to talk about you, actually,” Danny said. “Or…I think he did? He kind of… He started talking but then he…uh…he had this breakdown… A panic attack, I guess? He went for a walk and then he just stopped and closed his eyes and got all pale and started, like, hyperventilating. Um…funnily enough, his aunt and uncle invited me over for Tuesday. They want me to talk to him again.”

Rion felt miserable just hearing about it. Things were that hard on Noa… He shouldn’t have to feel that way. He shouldn’t be so broken. This was Rion’s fault. If only he wasn’t so stupid… Every time he tried to make things better, he ruined everything and made it so much worse.

He was a terrible person.

Rion scrubbed at his face again, but this time he was trying hard not to cry. He didn’t want to burst into tears in front of Danny. That would be humiliating. He winced as he brushed against his bruised eye.

“Rion? Are you okay?” Danny asked.

“No,” Rion admitted. “I’m not okay. I… Fuck.”

He couldn’t say anything to Danny. It would be so much easier if Danny was like everyone else and hated him. Why did this have to be so complicated?

“Listen, um… I’m no expert or anything,” Danny said, “but, like, you can still talk to me. You know? Maybe that would help.”

Rion laughed, the bitterness creeping into his voice. “No. No, it really wouldn’t.”

He sucked in a breath and let it out slowly, leaning back.

“Danny, I appreciate what you’re trying to do,” he said. “You’re a nice guy and all. But I really wish you would drop it and leave me alone. You’re going to end up in trouble.”

“But why?” Danny asked him. “We’re friends, aren’t we? I know I’m not Noa, but… We used to hang out. I really liked you guys. I just… I want to help.”

“I don’t think there’s anything you can do,” Rion told him. “Listen, I’m okay with the way things are. I know that… I get that you probably won’t believe me, but it’s true.”

“I’m just trying to understand,” Danny said. “I don’t get it. I don’t get what happened between you and anyone else. Even Peter is mad at you! He doesn’t get mad at anyone!”

Rion shook his head. “Maybe it’s justified, Danny. Did you ever think of that? Maybe they’re right–”

“An asshole wouldn’t have offered to help my family move into our new house,” Danny said, getting firm with Rion. “An asshole wouldn’t have invited me into his house and offered to feed me and let me use his stuff. You are not an asshole, okay?”

“Then I don’t know what else to tell you,” Rion said.

They were both quiet for a long time. Rion opened his mouth and closed it, rethinking everything he could say. Part of him had so many other things to tell Danny. But he just couldn’t do it.

Maybe Noa had the right idea. Maybe he should just become mute, shut his mouth, and never talk again. It sounded like a decent solution.

“I still want to be friends,” Danny finally said. “Is that okay with you?”

Rion knew he should say no. He knew he should refuse. He should say something mean and chase Danny away and make him hate him.

But he just couldn’t do it.

“Yeah,” Rion said, half-involuntarily. But it was true. “It’s okay with me.”

“Okay,” Danny said and then reached for the plain chips and the dill dip. “Then we’re friends again. As your friend, you can tell me anything. You know that, right?”

Rion started to protest. “I can’t–”

“–right now,” Danny cut him off. “You can’t right now. And I get that. That’s okay. But when you’re ready, we’ll talk. Deal?”

Rion turned to look at him, blinking owlishly. Danny suddenly gave him a bright smile, popping open the bag of chips.

“For now, do you wanna play some games?” Danny said. “I’m up for something we can play together. You got Mario Kart?”

Rion stared at him. His brain felt like it was still catching up. Danny offered his support but also gave him an out. He didn’t need anything from Rion right now, and that was…

That was such a relief.

“I…um…” Rion began, blinking rapidly, trying to compose himself. “I have… Yeah. I have Double Dash. I… Thanks, Danny.”

“No problem,” Danny said. “What’re friends for, right?”