Rion watched Travis’s truck pull up in front of his house. He clenched and unclenched his hands at his sides. There was nothing he could do about the nervous feeling settled in the pit of his stomach.

He’d never had much to do with Travis because he was so much older. Combined with the fact that Travis was Sarina’s brother, Rion didn’t want anything to do with him.

Still, Jesse had given him assurances over the phone and told him that Peter and Noa were coming too. It’s not like they were going to be alone together. And after they got back, they were all going to go to the Murphys to hang out. It would be fine.

Rion kept telling himself that as he walked up to the red truck.

“Hey,” Travis said, rolling down the window and giving him a wave. “Hop on in.”

Jesse waved at him from the passenger seat. Peter and Noa were in the narrow backseat. Rion opened the door, joining them.

“Hey,” Rion said.

Noa was in the middle seat and Rion squeezed in next to him without too much trouble, buckling up.

“You guys good back there?” Travis asked.

“It’s a bit snug but we’ll be okay,” Peter said.

“Okay,” Travis said. “Seatbelts on. Doors locked. Let’s go.”

Rion settled in, already feeling a little better with everyone here. He let his hands rest on the seat but almost as soon as he did, Noa reached out, taking his hand and holding it.

“Noa?” he said, turning to him.

“Hi,” Noa said.

“Hi,” Rion returned, because he had no idea what else to say.

“I’m happy to see you,” Noa said.

Rion studied him. For a second, he wondered if it was true. Sure, things had been good last time when they hung out with the others. But he’d gotten the impression that Noa was upset with him about their back and forth with the friendship bracelets.

Maybe he had just imagined it? Or maybe Noa had cooled off and let it go.

“I’m happy to see you too,” Rion said.

Noa gave his hand a squeeze. Rion squeezed back. He expected Noa to let go of him after that, but he didn’t. He hung on, their hands resting intertwined between them on the seat.

“So, how have things been?” Jesse asked from the front. “Have you been doing okay, Rion?”

“Yeah. It’s been fine,” Rion said, but his mind was elsewhere. Why wasn’t Noa letting go of his hand? Was that normal? Was it weird? It felt… Rion wasn’t sure how it felt, but it was making him jittery. “Teachers are starting to pile on homework. I have an English essay due next Friday.”

“I do not miss school,” Travis said. “I was more than happy to say goodbye to homework and all of that bull.”

“It’s not that bad. As long as you hand something in, you’re almost guaranteed to pass,” Peter said from Noa’s other side.

“Says the super nerd,” Travis snorted. “I passed everything. I just hated every second of it. School sucks.”

“Math and science were killer,” Jesse added. “I’m not sad to be free of stuff like chemistry either.”

They chatted the whole way to the lake. Rion would have enjoyed it except that Noa was holding his hand the whole time. He kept thinking about it, wondering if anyone noticed, or… He didn’t know what to think.

Did Noa just want to be close? Was he clinging to nostalgia? They used to hold hands a lot as kids, but now it seemed kind of…too much. Weren’t they too old for that?

Wasn’t it weird for guys to hold hands? Wasn’t that a thing that only couples or kids did? Would people think he was gay? Or think Noa was gay? Or that they both were? Did they look like a couple?

Rion’s heart was pounding. His face felt hot and his hand was sweating in Noa’s grip. He kept glancing around at everyone else in the car, scared that someone might notice and make the wrong assumption.

When they pulled up in front of the store, Rion was finally able to pull his hand free as he got out of the truck. He stepped aside, wiping his sweaty palms on his pants.

Jesse went and got Rion’s bike from the store. Together, they loaded it up in the bed of the truck, securing it. It only took a few minutes and they were done.

“Feels like we’ve got too many people for the job,” Travis said, “but that’s that. Anything else we need to do?”

“No, I think we can head back now,” Peter said. “Jesse said you didn’t want to hang out?”

Travis waved a hand dismissively. “It would be kind of awkward, I think. I don’t mind helping out, but…you know…”

“That’s too bad,” Jesse said.

“If you change your mind, you’re more than welcome to come,” Peter said.

“Well…who’s going to be there? Not Sarina, obviously,” Travis said. “I’d have heard all about it if she was invited.”

Jesse waved at their group. “It’s all of us here, Danny, and Celeste.”

Travis paused and then seemed to seriously consider it.

“…Maybe I could stop by for a while. But not for long.”

Noa was scuffing his feet in the dirt, looking around, alert but wary. While the others talked, he turned to Rion.

“Did you go to the cabin the other day?” he asked.

Rion was under the impression that he was trying to ask while the others were distracted. Noa’s voice was soft, his question obviously only meant for Rion. But Peter was immediately looking their way the moment the words left Noa’s mouth.

“I… Yeah,” Rion said, a little surprised that he knew. “I didn’t plan to, but I ended up wandering over. Why–?”

“I want to go there too,” Noa said. “Will you come with me?”

Rion felt cold and knew that it wasn’t the brisk, dry air. He wanted to shudder, remembering the other day, standing in the empty lot.

“It’s a bad idea, Noa,” Rion said. “There’s nothing there.”

“I want to see,” Noa said.

“We probably shouldn’t go there, Noa,” Peter spoke up. “We should drive back and drop off Rion’s bike.”

“I want to go,” Noa said, turning to him. “Rion said nothing’s there. I want to see.”

“It’s probably not a good idea,” Jesse added, glancing between them. “Even I haven’t been over there in a while. It’s… It’s just an empty lot.”

“I want to see,” Noa said again, like a broken record.

He was insisting with that stubborn tone of voice that said he was willing to argue until he had his way. Noa was usually easygoing, but when he set his mind on something, it was like a steel trap.

“Why don’t we compromise,” Travis spoke up. “We can drive by. Just get in the truck, drive over, take a look, and go.”

“Okay,” Noa said.

“Fine,” Peter agreed. “We’ll drive by on our way out and then head back to town. We’ll look and then go. Okay?”

Noa nodded.

They piled into the truck again. This time, Noa insisted on a window seat. He didn’t take Rion’s hand again. Travis drove them to the lot, everyone silent.

Even though he was in the middle and the view wasn’t the best, Rion recognized the way. He felt a deep sense of discomfort even though they were doing this in the day and he wasn’t alone. Last time had been… It wasn’t good. He didn’t want to go back.

He watched Noa, who was leaning against the door, looking out. Rion felt like he was good at reading his friend, but right now…he had no idea what was going on in his head.

Why did he want to see where the cabin used to be? Why was he so insistent? Because Rion had gone there? Because it had been so long since they’d both come here? Had Noa even been here since the fire?

Travis slowed down as they reached the spot, pulling to stop. The lot was the same as Rion remembered it. He thought he could see a vague impression of where he’d trudged through the weeds the other day.

“That’s the spot,” Travis said. “Let me know when we’re good to go.”

Noa stared for a moment. Rion heard his seatbelt click but was a second too late to reach out and stop him. Noa opened the door and hopped to the ground.

“Hey, no, no! Noa!” Peter called out, hurrying to unbuckle himself. “That’s not what we agreed!”

Rion struggled with his seatbelt too, in a hurry. His fumbling hands managed to click the button and the moment he was free, he jumped out of the truck, following Noa, who had walked to the edge of the lot. Rion grabbed him by the arm, clutching his sleeve. It took all his self-control to stop himself from dragging Noa back to the truck.

“This is bad. Let’s go,” Rion said.

Noa didn’t budge. He stood stiffly, facing the lot.

“There’s nothing here,” Noa said.

“That’s what I told you,” Rion said. “There’s nothing. Please, Noa. Let’s get back in the truck.”

But Rion was sure that Noa was experiencing the same thing that he had the other day. There was nothing here and they both knew that. But the image of the cabin was burned into their minds. It didn’t need to be physically there. The memory of it would always be real.

Rion could see Noa’s gaze turn, moving across the lot, rising up the steep slope that had once been thick with trees and underbrush.

“Noa,” Peter said, coming over to them, Jesse and Travis not far behind. “Come on. There’s nothing to see here.”

“Who owns it?” Noa asked.

“I can’t remember,” Peter admitted. “You’d have to ask Mom and Dad. It doesn’t matter anyway. We should go.”

“Not yet,” Noa said.

“Noa…” Rion began but stopped when Peter let out a long, loud breath.

“Okay,” Peter said, sounding frustrated. “Okay, take a minute. Just…please… We can’t stay here all day. We need to get back home. Okay?”

Noa nodded.

Peter backed off, glancing expectantly at Rion. But Rion turned away from his gaze, sticking with Noa. He wasn’t going to leave him here. He couldn’t.

The others stepped back, hovering close by. Rion could hear them speaking in low voices, but he couldn’t make out the words. He stepped closer to Noa, leaning towards him as he let go of his sleeve.

“Noa…” he said, lowering his voice. “It’s gone. Everything is gone. There’s nothing here. We shouldn’t stay. It’ll bring back bad memories…”

It did for Rion. His skin was crawling. He felt eyes on him, like he was on a stage in front of a full audience. He knew he was being self-conscious and worrying about the others standing around behind them, but it still gave him goosebumps.

And standing here with Noa… The last time they’d been here together was the day Amber died. The last time they’d stood right here in this spot…

Rion remembered.

They couldn’t see the fire when they got outside. The smoke was billowing out the top of the cabin. They’d been panicking, scared, they’d freaked out. Rion remembered screaming. Noa had thrown up…

It happened right where they were standing now. They’d had the sense to run to John’s cabin and by the time they’d seen the Murphys’ cabin again…

The whole building had been up in flames. Other people had tried to help and the other cabins were warned. Firefighters were called, but it took them what felt like ages to get out to the lake. Everything was dry. The fire spread. Leaves were like kindling, trees went up in flames. A few other cabins burned down before the fire was put out.

No one was hurt. No one except Noa, who burned his hand. And Amber…

Noa was silent, staring at the empty lot. His gaze was distant, but his eyes were heavy with unshed tears.

“Do you…do you smell it?” Noa asked him.

Rion really wished he hadn’t asked. He didn’t smell anything until Noa spoke. And suddenly he wasn’t sure if he was retreading the memory of the heavy back smoke in his lungs or if he was really, actually smelling it.

“Yeah,” Rion said, voice tight.

“It’s not real…right?” Noa asked.

“I don’t know…” Rion said, his eyes stinging. “Noa…please…let’s go back. Please. I don’t want to be here anymore. I hate it. Let’s…let’s go. Let’s hang out with the others. We can have a good time and be happy. Please…”

Noa’s hands balled up into fists. He looked down. He was squinting, trying not to cry, his tears quivering on the edge of his eyelashes.

“I want them to hate me,” he said. “Why won’t they…? Why doesn’t anyone ever get mad?”

Rion took a breath to reply, but he didn’t have an answer. His throat felt too tight. He couldn’t get the words out.

“It’s my fault,” Noa said softly. “It was me. Everyone should be mad. They should hate me.”

“That’s not true,” Rion told him, keeping his voice just as low. He didn’t want the others to hear, still aware of their gaze. “Noa, it was me. It was my fault. You didn’t do anything wrong. It was… It was an accident. It just… If…”

He was struggling with the words, hating himself. He didn’t want Noa to turn on him too, to hate him. But he should. Rion knew that if he hadn’t been at the cabin that day, Amber would still be alive. She would be…

“Stop trying to protect me.”

The words were cold but Noa had closed his eyes shut tight, tears slipping free. Rion reached out to comfort him reflexively, but Noa slapped his hand away as soon as it brushed his sleeve.

“Noa…” Rion said.

“Stop it,” Noa hissed.

Rion was hurt. Stung. He pulled away.

“I’m sorry…”

“You… It’s…” Noa said. His eyes were shut tight. “Do you hear it?”

Rion listened. There was a breeze, catching some leaves and causing them to skitter around. There was distant conversation, probably the last few people at the lake. None of it was out of the ordinary.

But Rion had a feeling that wasn’t what Noa was talking about.

“No,” Rion said. “You hear something?”

Noa nodded, covering his ears with his hands. He was starting to shake.

“I don’t want to… I don’t want to hear or see…” Noa said, his breaths coming too sharp, cutting off his words.

Rion hated that he understood what was happening. He hated that he’d been through this himself. It was just like the smell of smoke that he could still taste at the back of his throat.

It wasn’t real. He knew it wasn’t. But knowing it wasn’t real didn’t stop him from feeling like it was.

“Peter–” Rion started, half-turning but Peter was already there.

“Noa? Are you okay? What’s wrong?” he asked.

Noa was retreating further, hands firmly pressed over his ears. He shook his head, not saying anything.

“He asked me if I heard anything,” Rion said, hoping that would explain, hoping that Peter might know something about whatever was wrong with both of them.

“Hear… He’s hearing something?” Peter asked.

“Yeah. I think… I think it’s because of the cabin,” Rion said.

He hated to imagine what Noa was hearing. Rion heard things too sometimes, and just thinking about it made his chest tight and his breath come short. Reliving anything from that night, anything close to what happened…

No. He couldn’t think about it. He had to focus. Noa came first.

He clenched his hands into tight fists at his sides, tight enough that his fingernails were biting at his palms.

“Noa,” Peter said, gently touching Noa’s arm. Rion hated how Noa flinched. “It’s me. It’s Peter. Can you hear me? I just want to walk you back to the truck, okay? Do you remember the new exercises Dr. Maes gave you?”

Noa didn’t respond at all. He was shivering, breathing hard and fast, hands covering his ears painfully hard. He was crying too, tears slipping free from clenched eyes. Whatever he was going through was really, really bad.

“Noa, we can work through this, okay?” Peter said. “I’m right here. I’m not leaving you.”

“Is…is Noa okay?” Jesse asked, stepping over.

“No,” Rion said. “He’s… I don’t know. He’s not okay.”

“Maybe drive the truck closer,” Peter said, still hovering close to Noa. “I just need to work through this with him and then maybe…maybe we can get him in the truck and… If it doesn’t work out, one of us might have to run down to the store and call my dad.”

“Seriously, will he be okay?” Travis asked, joining them. “Is… Like… How long do these, uh…episodes last?”

“It depends,” Peter said with a grimace before turning back and trying to talk to Noa.

Rion could only watch. He had never felt so useless, even though he knew exactly what Noa was going through, even though he knew exactly what it was like.

The only thing he could do was stand there, biting the inside of his cheek painfully hard, wishing they’d never come to where the cabin used to be.