Rion didn't usually skip school. His attendance had always been consistent, even when he was little. Going to class and sitting in a chair for several hours was easy to do, though his attention often drifted.

His grades were much less consistent and leaned towards barely passing, so he knew he had to at least show up to school. Too many unexplained absences would be a problem. He didn’t need another reason to get in trouble. Repeating grade twelve because he skipped too much school would be beyond stupid.

But today he felt like taking a day to himself. He needed to be away from Sarina and her shit. He wanted out of his house. He needed to get away.

After lying in bed through the morning, watching the time tick down past the point where he would be late, Rion dragged himself up. He dressed in some warm clothes, pocketed his mom's old rosary, and headed outside, taking the back door. The house was still and silent on his way out. It was like climbing out of a coffin.

Rion didn’t normally ride his bike. He wasn’t surprised to find that when he dug it out of the backyard shed from behind the lawn mower, it was dusty and covered in cobwebs. The tires still had air, so he wheeled it out to clean off the worst of it.

Rion had ridden his bike twice in spring. Both times it was to head out of town to the middle of nowhere and lie in a ditch. Sometimes, he felt compelled to just get away from everything and pretend that he could spend forever laying out in the middle of nowhere. He’d fantasized about wandering off and living in the wilderness a few times, even though he knew it was a stupid idea.

Today he had different plans.

The lake was only a fifteen-minute drive away from Misty Meadows. It wasn’t that far, but it would be way too much of a pain to walk. It was still a long bike ride, but Rion was confident he could manage.

At least, he was confident until he was biking along the side of the road. It was getting brisk, despite his jacket and warm clothes. The wind was harsher on the open prairie. He wasn’t used to doing this much physical activity either, and he was soon wishing he’d brought a water bottle.

But Rion made it to the lake. He was out of breath and tired as he passed the cheerful ‘Welcome to Misty Lake’ sign. It was a new sign, vibrant, the design modern. He rode past it, heading down a familiar road.

He passed a lot of cabins. Some of them were old and familiar but many had been upgraded or rebuilt entirely. Trees that used to tower above the road were gone or cut back, giving the streets a more urban feel than they once had. It made him miss the old rustic atmosphere, a little sad that things had changed so much.

The cabins became modern the further he went, the landscape bare. He recognized the area cleared out by the fire. Everything had to be rebuilt. Even the trees they planted to replace the ones that burned were smaller, skinnier, younger. It was painfully sparse.

And then, finally, he was there. He pulled his bike over to the side, stopping to stare at nothing.

The Murphys hadn’t bothered rebuilding their cabin after the fire. They sold the property and Rion didn’t know who owned it now. Nothing had been built and the space didn’t look maintained.

The place where the Murphys’ cabin once stood was now an empty lot at the bottom of a very steep slope, covered in thick grass and weeds. The trees were gone, all of them burned away or cut down. The path that used to loop back behind the cabins on top of the slope was probably out of use and maybe gone completely.  There was no trace of it from where he stood.

Looking at the lot, Rion felt nothing. There was a hollow, emptiness in his chest. This place was unrecognizable, unfamiliar. The cabin he remembered – a homey and rustic building, surrounded by tall trees – was long gone. It burned down and what remained had been torn apart and demolished. There wasn’t anything left behind to suggest what this place had once been.

But it was the right spot. Rion was sure. He’d never forget.

He propped up his bike with the kickstand and got off, walking through the weeds. He traced his path by memory. The front door to the old cabin would have been about…there…

He remembered how many steps it was through the entrance, the kitchen and dining area to his left and the living room to his right. He remembered how light used to pour in through the windows this time of day, how the sun catcher in the kitchen used to send rainbows glittering all over.

The hallway to the bedrooms started right over…there. First was Noa and Peter’s room. They would share it, though Peter preferred sleeping on the couch so he could stay up late, reading with a flashlight. Past their bedroom, down the hall on the right, was Amber’s room… Mr. and Mrs. Murphy shared the big bedroom at the end.

Rion turned left, to where the bathroom used to be.

It was only a few steps to the door. It was a small bathroom, sink across from the doorway where Rion currently stood. The toilet was on the left side and on the right was the bathtub. It was an image burned into his mind. He could almost see it now, even though he was crunching through weeds and grass tall enough to reach his knees.

Rion stood for a long moment among thistles and dandelions. Some of them had wilted from the cold, but others were still clinging to life, clinging to the last bit of warmth.

Here. He could remember it so vividly. He remembered the exact sound and texture the shower curtain made when he grabbed it. He felt it in his palm, heard the crinkling in his ears–

Rion turned and crossed the lot, sprinting back to his bike. He was overcome by a wave of nausea, breathing hard through his nose. He tripped, fell, and scrambled back to his feet, his knees stinging.

It was stupid to come here. It was stupid! He was risking too much, making all the memories fresh and alive again. Why was he doing that? He knew better!

He was going to have nightmares again, start hearing and smelling things that weren’t there. He could already taste the hint of black smoke in the back of his throat and fought to withhold a gag. He breathed heavily, trying to steady himself.

He grabbed his bike, letting it support his weight while he tried to compose himself. He panted, swallowing hard, and closed his eyes. His grip on the handlebars shook and he gripped them harder to still himself.

The cabin was gone. Amber was gone. Nothing was there.

He was fine, he was fine, he was fine, he was fine.

Eventually, Rion turned and stiffly walked his bike down the road, unsteady on his legs. He mentally berated himself the whole time.

He didn’t dare look back. He had to move. He had to get away.

The road ended after a few meters, since there were no more cabins down this way, and he found himself on one of the paths that lead down to the beach. Walking, breathing, trying to clear his head, he was soon trudging through cold sand.

It was a cool weekday in autumn, so Rion wasn’t surprised that when he reached the lake, the whole beach was empty. There wasn’t anyone around and it was unnaturally quiet. The water was still, tiny ripples lapping along the shoreline. Above the water, the sky was pure blue, dotted with a few broken white clouds.

It was a beautiful sight. For a moment, Rion just stood there, drinking it in. He never got to see the lake like this. There weren’t even any boats on the water.

Rion remembered coming here so many times with Noa. Neither of them had ever learned to swim, but they used to have a lot of fun playing in the sand and running around the beach. He’d spent a lot of time here with the others too. This was where Amber gave them their friendship bracelets…

Rion missed those days.

He missed being with Noa and he missed having fun. He missed everyone getting along and his only real problems being thunderstorms and homework. He missed being happy. And he missed Amber…

Blinking rapidly, he propped his bike up off to the side. There was no point in dragging it through the sand. Then he walked down the beach.

There was a dock here; a very small one. It was mostly meant for swimmers to jump off or for small paddle boats to dock. But it was empty now.

Rion was a little nervous stepping onto it, his shoes unnaturally loud on the wooden planks. He didn’t have Noa’s fear of drowning, but he wasn’t confident since he knew he couldn’t swim. Walking down the dock, seeing the water get deeper on both sides, was uncomfortable.

He came to a stop at the end of the dock, looking out at the water. Standing out here, the lake seemed even larger. The distant surface of the water was mirror-like, but when he glanced down, it was clear. He could see little minnows darting about, and deeper down, the sandy bottom of the lake.

How deep was it here? The dock didn’t go out that far and Rion knew there were a lot of sandbars around. It was maybe…six feet deep? Seven? It was hard to judge but Rion was pretty sure it was deeper than he was tall.

He knew a little about drowning. Noa described it to him as a kid; said it felt like breathing in lava. He told him it really, really hurt. More than anything. Rion believed him.

He didn’t want to drown. Not today. Not right now. He knew how that would affect Noa. He would have to make sure he didn’t do something stupid and fall into the water, especially since no one was out here. If he got into trouble, he was on his own.

Rion sat down slowly. The water wasn’t as intimidating when he was lower and more stable. Then, carefully, he laid down on his back. The wood was cool beneath him and the sky was blue above him. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly, putting his hands in his pockets. His fingers found his mother’s rosary and he rolled the beads between his fingers.

It was peaceful and he was sure that if he wasn’t so shaken, he could have closed his eyes and gone to sleep. Not that sleeping out on the dock was a good idea…

The sky above him was so blue and calm. Rion stared into it, his gaze going unfocused. He let go of his thoughts and let himself feel his surroundings: the crisp air, the gentle sounds of lapping water, and all the blue in the world above him.

Rion wasn’t sure how long he laid there. He didn’t have a plan, other than to go home at some point. He just…wanted to come here. Because it was away from everything. He could be alone in peace, out in the open, and get some fresh air.

Of course, he didn’t exactly feel peaceful. He’d made the stupid decision of going to where the cabin used to be. He couldn’t even explain why he did it. He was sure he’d be regretting it for a long time.

And then his mind went to the friendship bracelets.

Everyone knew that Noa was the one who wrecked his bracelet and that Rion’s was fine. Even Sarina knew. Everything was out in the open.

Things were going to change. He didn’t know how it would happen or if it would get better or worse. But things wouldn’t stay the same. People would treat him differently. Sarina would treat him differently. And he hated not knowing what would happen.

“Rion?”

The familiar voice startled him, and he sat up, turning around. Jesse was standing on the beach at the end of the dock. He was staring at Rion in obvious surprise.

“Oh… Hey,” Rion managed to say, blinking owlishly as he pulled his hands from his pockets. “What are you doing here?”

“I work down at the store,” Jesse said. He walked over, coming to join him. Rion got to his feet slowly. “I actually got off early because it’s really slow today… What are you doing here? Don’t you have school?”

“What time is it?” Rion asked.

Jesse glanced at the watch on his wrist. “Quarter to three.”

Rion could have sworn that he left the house around ten. Had he really been gone that long? It didn’t feel like it. He was losing track of time lately…but then he did have a lot on his mind.

“Didn’t realize it was that late,” he said. “I skipped school. I wasn’t feeling up to it today. I figured no one would be out at the lake, so… Yeah. It’s nice and quiet; calm.”

Jesse glanced around, looking out at the lake for a moment. Rion watched him.

Jesse had grown up and filled out. He didn’t have that lanky, gangly look that he did as a teen. He actually reminded Rion of Peter. Maybe it was because they were adults in their twenties now.

If Amber had lived, would she be like that too? More…womanly? Rion hadn’t really paid that much attention to Celeste and his impression of Sarina was skewed. He didn’t ever look at girls. Rion didn’t feel like he had a good comparison.

If Amber had lived, would she and Jesse be married by now? Would they have had kids? Or would they have gone off to college together?

It hurt to think about.

“I guess I can’t blame you,” Jesse said. “I came out here to sit on the beach for a bit myself. There’s hardly anyone here this time of year. The water gets too cold for swimming, so…you know.”

He turned to Rion. “I should probably tell you that you shouldn’t skip school, but I’m pretty sure you already know that. And a lot’s been going on.”

“Yeah,” Rion said. “I don’t want to make it a habit or anything. I just have a lot on my mind. Sarina… Actually, never mind.”

He didn’t know why he was talking to Jesse. It wasn’t that he was relaxed or comfortable around him. If anything, he felt exhausted and worn down.

“No, wait. What were you going to say about Sarina?” Jesse asked. “Did she hurt you again?”

“No,” Rion said. There was no point in mentioning that she had dragged him around by his backpack and slammed him into the gym wall a couple times. “It’s nothing really. Celeste told her about the bracelets and she came to rag at me about it.”

“But she didn’t hurt you?”

“No…but she did tell me to take a long walk off a short pier.”

Rion let out a small, humourless chuckle. It was such a Sarina thing to say and considering where he was now, he found it funny…

…But Jesse clearly didn’t share the same sense of humour. His eyes went round as he glanced around, seeing where they were.

“You weren’t thinking of…?” Jesse began.

“No!” Rion said quickly, holding up his hands. “No, no! I wasn’t going to jump off the dock or anything. I can’t swim.”

“I know,” Jesse said, looking worried. “You really weren’t going to do something like that, right? You came all this way by yourself, didn’t you? That’s your bike over there? Rion, you’re scaring me.”

“I’m seriously not going to hurt myself,” Rion said. “I promise. That… It came out wrong. Well, it didn’t come out wrong, but… I thought it was funny that I ended up here after what Sarina said. I wasn’t actually going to… I don’t want to die, okay?”

“Okay…” Jesse said, calming down. “Why don’t we continue this conversation on the beach then. Let’s go back.”

“Sure.”

He felt awkward and embarrassed as they walked by down the dock. Jesse didn’t look like he felt much better about being on solid ground, and Rion understood. But how was he supposed to explain that he wasn’t actively suicidal? He’d rather not talk about it.

“Sarina really said that to you?” Jesse asked. “The whole ‘long walk, short pier’ thing?”

“Yeah. She was just shit-talking,” Rion assured him. “It’s hardly the worst thing she’s said to me. She’s… It’s how she is. I’m used to it.”

“You shouldn’t be,” Jesse told him. “I’m sorry. Everything really got out of hand with those stupid bracelets. The whole thing is a mess.”

“Yeah,” Rion said, shuffling his feet in the sand. “You know, I’d rather we didn’t talk about it. I just want to forget about the whole thing and get on with my life.”

“That’s…fair enough,” Jesse said. “I just feel bad…”

“Don’t sweat it. What’s done is done.”

“I guess…”

Rion sighed. These were the kinds of changes he dreaded; weird apologies and behaviour. It was easier when everyone blamed him and gave him the cold shoulder.

“It’s a long bike ride to the lake,” Jesse noted, clearing his throat. “Did you want a ride back to town?”

“It’s fine,” Rion said reflexively, even though he didn’t feel up to biking at this point. “I’d have to find a way to get my bike back, and… It would be a problem.”

“I bet we could ask to borrow someone’s truck,” Jesse said. “Travis would probably do it. We should leave your bike at the store. I know my manager would be okay with it. He has his own bike there. I’d feel bad leaving you here like this…”

Rion was pretty sure that Jesse was worried about him. He probably wouldn’t leave without him. It was better to just accept.

“Okay,” Rion said. “I guess that’s fine.”

Rion got his bike and they headed down to the store together. After talking with Jesse’s manager and making sure it was okay to leave his bike there, they got into Jesse’s car. It was old but sturdy and turning on the heat made the ride back pretty cozy.

“Hey. You’d tell me or…someone if you weren’t doing okay, right?” Jesse asked.

This was the kind of conversation that Rion had dreaded having with Peter. But Peter had somehow made things cool. It probably wouldn’t happen a second time with Jesse.

“I’m not doing okay,” Rion admitted, sinking into his seat, fiddling with the seatbelt. “But I’m managing.”

“Anything I can do to help?”

“I don’t know. I guess I just want things to be normal?”

Jesse glanced at him briefly before turning his eyes back to the road. “Normal?”

Maybe it was best to just say it. Rion didn’t think anyone would stop bothering him otherwise. Except maybe Peter. Somehow. For some reason.

“I just… I want to be able to live my life, you know?” Rion said. “I don’t want people saying they’re sorry for stuff, and… Honestly, I was fine with how things were. I’m okay to hang out with all of you guys, but like… I don’t want to dwell on the stupid friendship bracelets. I don’t want anyone to make a big deal about Sarina. I just want… I don’t know.”

“I think I get it?” Jesse said hesitantly. “I’ll try to keep all of that in mind.”

Rion was pretty sure he didn’t get it. But that was fine. At least he’d gotten it off his chest.

“Thanks,” he said.

“So before we get off the topic,” Jesse continued, “now that everyone knows that Noa wrecked his bracelet, are you going to start wearing yours again?”

Rion turned to look at him, blinking, his mouth half hanging open. His mind blanked, not expecting that question at all.

What?

Jesse glanced at him again. “I mean, you don’t have to, but the rest of us do, so…”

Oh, God. The rest of them did wear their bracelets. Jesse was wearing his right now. Even Danny wore his. And Sarina… Rion knew she’d been wearing hers the whole time.

Fuck.

“I, uh… I don’t know,” Rion finally managed to say. “This whole time, I was planning on giving it to Noa…”

“I think he made it pretty clear that he doesn’t want it,” Jesse said. “I mean, are you just going to put it in a keepsake box or something? It’s really up to you, but I thought you would be happy to wear it again.”

Rion had no desire to put it on. He understood how Noa felt about his bracelet, especially now that it had caused him so much grief. He would rather put his bracelet away and never look at it again than put it on his wrist and go around wearing it.

And if he did wear it, Rion had a feeling that Sarina would freak out. He wasn’t sure he wanted her to lose it on him or to try and steal his bracelet…

The whole thing was a mess.

“I…I don’t know,” he said. “I need to think about it. I didn’t think I would be able to wear it again.”

“That’s okay,” Jesse was quick to say. “A lot’s been going on and… I get it.”

Jesse didn’t get it. Not even a little bit. But Rion was glad that he’d brought it up because it brought his attention to it. Instead of worrying about what people thought, he had something else to take care of.

He needed to figure out what to do with his bracelet.