Rion couldn’t eat breakfast that morning. He felt sick.

He didn’t want to meet Sarina at the park, especially not alone. He wanted someone else there with him. Someone like Noa.

But Noa wasn’t coming. Noa told him to stay away. And now Sarina had Noa’s bracelet. She thought it was Rion’s and that he’d wrecked it. His only choice was to meet up with her and get it back.

He really, really wanted to give up and cry. He couldn’t stop his palms from sweating. His heart was pounding. He was miserable.

He’d felt like this since the fire. Sometimes it went away for a little while, but then it would come back worse than before. He was seeing things, hearing things. The smell of toxic smoke plagued him even though he knew he had to be imagining it.

But he had to go and see Sarina. He didn’t have a choice.

He needed to get Noa’s bracelet back.

Rion’s feet were heavy when he left the house and the walk to the park was surreal. He was walking, moving forward, one foot in front of the other, but he didn’t feel like he was in control of himself. It was the weirdest sensation, like his mind couldn’t keep up with his actions.

He wasn’t given time to dwell on it. When Rion arrived, Sarina was there and she wasn’t alone. She’d brought the others with her: Jesse, Peter, and Celeste. It was a good thing he hadn’t eaten because he probably would’ve thrown up at the sight.

Even though all his senses screamed at him to turn around and run home, his feet kept moving. He clenched his jaw, squared his shoulders, tried to turn his fear into anger because he was already halfway there.

Jesse, Peter, and Celeste radiated exhaustion and confusion. There was a ragged look to them too, especially Jesse. The circles under his eyes were so dark they looked like bruises.

Rion could only guess at what Sarina must have told them. And Sarina herself was already worked up, her whole body tense and wound up. She came here for a fight.

It was scary.

Rion was afraid. He didn’t like this at all. Why’d Sarina have to snoop around and find Noa’s bracelet…

Maybe Noa had been right all along. Maybe they should have thrown it away.

“There you are!” Sarina huffed. “Took you long enough! You’re always late for everything!”

Rion swallowed hard, trying to bury all his anxieties. But it was hard. It was impossible.

“Give it back,” he said.

“No!” Sarina said. “I’m not giving you anything until you tell everyone what you did!”

“You’re a thief,” Rion said with venom he didn’t feel. “You snooped around in my stuff and stole something that didn’t belong to you. Give it back!”

Sarina blushed in shame and good. At least she knew she was wrong.

“Whoa, whoa,” Jesse said, holding up his hands. “Slow down. What’s this about?”

“Rion, Sarina said you... She said some things about you,” Celeste said. “She said she wanted to talk about it? About the…um…the friendship bracelets…”

It was hard to face anyone right now, especially Amber’s boyfriend, her best friend, her younger brother…

Rion ruined everything for them. Just like he ruined everything for Noa. He destroyed everything he touched.

Noa was right to want him gone.

“What’s there to talk about,” Rion said. “Sarina told you everything, didn’t she?”

“I told them that you ruined your friendship bracelet,” Sarina spit out, her voice hot with anger. “I told them I found it cut up in your room. And I have it with me! I can prove it!”

“Who cares,” Rion snapped at her. “Just give it back! You shouldn’t have stolen it in the first place.”

“Then it’s true?” Peter said. “You… You cut up your bracelet?”

Rion couldn’t look at him. He couldn’t look at any of them. It was easier to deal with Sarina because she was mad. She was right to be mad.

Let her think he’d wrecked his bracelet. Let them all think it. They could hate him as much as they wanted.

As long as they left Noa alone. As long as they never found out that it was Noa’s bracelet. As long as Noa wasn’t going to get blamed for things that weren’t his fault.

“Yeah. Sure. That was me. I did it,” Rion said, somehow managing to shrug. “So what?”

He heard several sharp intakes of breath. They were hurt. That was fine.

It was fine. Really. It didn’t matter. None of it mattered.

Rion wanted to be anywhere but here.

“See? See?!” Sarina said, waving an accusatory hand at Rion. “I told you guys! I told you he’s an asshole! This is exactly how he was when I asked him about it! He doesn’t care about Amber at all!”

Rion didn’t think words could physically hurt him, but Sarina’s did. His heart ached at her accusations. It was like being sliced open. He wanted to cry.

But he couldn’t. Not here. Not now. He couldn’t be weak. He had to get the bracelet back.

All he had left was protecting Noa.

“If I’m an asshole then you’re a bitch,” Rion told her, the insult foreign on his tongue. “And you’re a thief! You snooped through my things and stole my bracelet from me! So for the last time, give it back!”

“Why should I? Especially when you’re calling me…calling me a bitch!” she said, flushing in anger. “Haven’t you wrecked the bracelet enough! You don’t deserve it!”

“It’s my bracelet! I can do what I want with it!” he said.

“Guys…guys, let’s… Stop,” Jesse said, trying to play the role of peacekeeper. His voice was tight and strained. He sounded so hurt and lost. “We should… Let’s take a minute.”

“I don’t want to take a minute,” Sarina said. “Rion’s gone psycho!”

“I just want my bracelet back,” Rion said.

“Give him his bracelet, Sarina.”

It was Peter who spoke up. When Rion glanced his way, he realized that Peter was angry. He’d never seen him so tense, his hands balled up into fists at his sides. He was glaring at Rion and Rion had to quickly look away.

“He doesn’t deserve it!” Sarina said again.

“Sure he doesn’t, but he’s right – it’s his,” Peter snapped. “Amber gave it to him so it belongs to him. Give it back.”

“He’ll wreck it more and throw it in the trash!”

“Then he’s a garbage person and a garbage friend! Just give it back to him and let him be an asshole!”

Sarina didn’t want to do it. Her face was a perfect combination of rage and disgust. With obvious reluctance, she pulled the ziplock bag out of her pocket, holding it out to Rion. He snatched it from her, gripping it too tight, the plastic crinkling loudly as it was crushed in his hand.

He knew they were all staring. He could feel their eyes on him and the bag. He knew how ugly it looked. He’d seen Noa take the scissors to it himself, watched him cut it up and rip at it like he wanted to shred it into nothing.

Rion had to wrestle it away from Noa to save it. Noa cut him with the scissors as they fought over it. Rion still had a scab on his left hand from where the scissors had grazed him. The cut wasn’t deep, but it hurt him to even look at it. He could still feel the sting of it.

“So, that’s it?” Sarina said. “Rion can just do whatever he wants and you’re all okay with it?!”

“Shouldn’t…shouldn’t we talk about it?” Celeste asked but her voice was weak and wavering like she was near tears.

“Why’d you do it, Rion?” Peter said. There was something in his voice too, but Rion didn’t know what it was. “Why would you wreck your bracelet like that?”

“It doesn’t matter,” Rion said.

“It does so!” Sarina snapped.

“There must have been some kind of reason,” Jesse said, voice still strained. “There’s…there’s been so much going on and Amber… She… The fire was only a few weeks ago…”

Jesse was getting choked up, struggling to talk. Rion felt the same. He didn’t want to think about it. He didn’t want to remember everything that had gone so, so wrong…

“I cut up the bracelet,” Rion said. “I cut it up and threw it away. And then Sarina stole it.”

“But Amber made that for you,” Celeste said. “Amber… Amber really cared about you…”

“Amber’s dead,” Rion said.

The words burned his mouth. He hated saying it, hard and harsh like that, like Amber didn’t matter. Because she did. Amber mattered so much, and Celeste was right. She really cared about him. It made him sick just thinking about it.

Rion made Celeste cry. He wasn’t looking at her so he didn’t realize it right away, not until she let out a sniffle and a whimper. And when he did finally look up, she had turned away already.

“I can’t… I just… I can’t!” was all Celeste could gasp out before she turned and started running.

“Celeste!” Jesse called out.

He looked like he wanted to follow her, but he spared one glance back at Rion. When their eyes met, Jesse made his decision, expression hardening in anger despite the tears in his eyes.

Jesse didn’t need to say anything else, his rejection obvious as he turned to chase after Celeste. It sent another painful stab through Rion's heart.

“Celeste! Wait!” Jesse called out after her.

“You’re a heartless jerk!” Sarina snarled at Rion, turning on him. “How could you say something like that?!”

“Because it’s true!” Rion said. “Amber’s dead. And she’s not ever coming back. She’s dead and gone.”

It felt like spitting up glass. Rion wanted to be sick but there was nothing to throw up. Instead, he was disgusted with himself, hating himself more with every word coming out of his mouth.

Sarina’s anger got the better of her and with a shriek, she shoved him to the ground. Rion wasn’t expecting it and tried to scramble back as she lunged at him again, trying to stomp on him. Peter snagged Sarina by the arm and jerked her back.

“What are you doing?!” Peter demanded.

Sarina screamed something incomprehensible, but her anger and grief were clear. Rion scrambled to his feet and ran.

The sprint home was a blur and Rion only came to a stop when he crashed into the front door to his house, fighting to get it open. Once inside, he collapsed onto the floor.

Rion didn’t know when he started crying but he was choking on his tears now. He was a sobbing, aching mess, curling in on himself.

They hated him. They all hated him now.

And it was his own fault. It was all his fault. Maybe it was meant to happen. Maybe Sarina was meant to go through his things and find the bracelet.

Noa…

Noa couldn’t have handled this. He was already so hurt. He kept blaming himself for what happened to Amber, but it was an accident. If everyone turned on Noa… Rion couldn’t let that happen. Noa was grieving. He cut up his bracelet out of grief. Noa was a good person, he was just hurt.

And Noa lived with Peter! How could he live in the same house as someone who hated him? Wasn’t it better that Peter thought Rion cut up his stupid bracelet? Wasn’t it better that Noa had his family to support him?

But no matter how much Rion tried to convince himself that this was the right thing, he couldn’t stop crying, sobbing on the doormat in absolute misery.

It hurt. It hurt so much.

Rion was utterly alone. He didn’t have friends anymore. Sarina had taken care of that. Danny had moved away with his family and Rion probably wouldn’t see him again. Rion’s dad was only around half the time and his mom was dead. Just like Amber…

And Noa didn’t want to see him anymore. Because Rion took Noa’s bracelet for safekeeping. Because Noa was lost and hurt and blaming himself.

“I’m sorry,” Rion found himself sobbing incoherently into the floor. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry!”

He didn’t even know what he was sorry for. For ruining his friendships? For not hiding the bracelet well enough? For not being a good enough friend? For Amber’s death? For…for everything?

Amber wasn’t coming back. His friends hated him. Noa didn’t want to see him.

Rion was a dirty, filthy liar.

Shaking, Rion pushed himself off the ground. He had to get up. He needed to stop crying. Right now.

Everything was horrible but it was for the best. Rion knew that, no matter how much it hurt. He was being selfish – that was it! That was his problem. He had to get over himself.

It was right for his friends to hate him. And it was right for Noa to stay away from him. He had to stop crying about what was right. Even if it hurt and even if he hated it.

Rion sucked in a breath that stung like the pricking of a thousand needles and did everything he could to stop his tears.