Noa was so excited to see Rion that the feeling turned into a painful, anxious burning in his chest. It made him nauseous and no matter how much his aunt and uncle insisted, he couldn’t manage to eat a single bite of breakfast.

When the first person arrived, knocking on the door, Noa dashed across the living room to see who it was. Peter beat him to the door, so he had to lean around his cousin's tall frame to see who it was.

Danny was on the doorstep, smiling and waving.

“Hi, Peter! Hey, Noa!” he greeted them.

Noa scrunched up his face in disappointment and turned around. He walked back to the couch, even as both Peter and Danny tried to call him back. He plunked himself down into the seat and began bouncing his leg, full of nervous energy.

He felt like he was going to puke.

“Why did you run away?” Danny said with a laugh as he joined him in the living room. “I was just saying hi. Happy birthday, by the way.”

Noa crossed his arms and turned his head to look at the wall.

He didn’t want Danny. He wanted Rion.

“Noa’s just excited, I think,” Peter said.

“That’s okay. I get it,” Danny said. “Actually Noa, I wanted to thank you for that spider sketch. It’s mega creepy but I brought it home to Mom and she’s going to see if she can find a frame for it. It’s really good.”

Noa didn’t acknowledge the statement. He’d drawn the tarantula to upset Danny, not to impress him.

Now, he felt guilty at his own maliciousness. The fact that Danny liked it made it worse.

Noa should have predicted it. No matter what he did, no one ever got angry with him. He was provided with endless excuses. And then there were times, like now, where he would get gratitude for lashing out and being mean.

He didn’t understand. He wished that someone, anyone, would acknowledge what a terrible person he was.

“He didn’t do any more art for us,” Peter said. “Noa spent pretty much all of yesterday cleaning his room.”

“Oh, cool. That makes sense, with guests coming over and everything.”

“Why don’t you come to the kitchen? We have drinks and–”

There was another ring at the door. Noa sprung up and darted across the room again, heart in his throat. He beat Peter this time but when he opened it, Jesse was standing on the step.

“Hi, Noa,” Jesse said, all smiles.

Noa heaved a breath and promptly walked away from the door again, leaving Jesse standing there.

“Noa…” Peter scolded him on his way to the door. “Sorry, Jesse. I think he’s waiting on Rion.”

“That’s okay. I get it,” Jesse said. “Celeste was right behind me on the way here from work, so she should be… Yeah, that’s her car pulling up.”

Noa flopped back down in his seat again.  Danny came over to join him with a grin.

“You must be really excited,” Danny said. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you move that fast. You really miss Rion, huh?”

Noa clenched his jaw. He didn’t want to talk about it. Danny didn’t understand. None of them did.

“He’ll be here,” Danny added, giving Noa a firm pat on the shoulder. “He said he would come.”

There was more fussing at the door as Celeste arrived and Noa was glad. Now the next person would have to be Rion. He watched as Danny went and joined the others.

“Hey, Celeste,” Danny said as the group gathered in the living room.

“Hey, Danny,” she said, coming in. Danny pulled her into a hug and she was quick to return it. “It’s so good to see you again.”

“Same to you!” Danny said, pulling back. “It’s so cool that we’re all here together again. You know, under happier circumstances.”

“But no Sarina?” Celeste said. “That’s what Mrs. Murphy said on the phone.”

“Yeah,” Peter said. “Rion’s coming and…”

“…And they don’t get along,” Celeste finished.

“It’s fine,” Danny assured them. “I called up Sarina last night. I set up a coffee date with her tomorrow. The two of us will talk stuff out.”

Celeste’s brow pinched in a frown. She bit her bottom lip.

“Danny…I don’t think she’s going to be happy about being left out,” Celeste said.

“She’s going to be pissed,” Peter said plainly.

Danny waved a dismissive hand. “It’s fine, it’s fine. I know how to talk to her. It’s all good. We used to be best friends.”

“A lot has changed, Danny,” Peter said. “…But that’s a problem for later. Let’s get drinks. Mom’s working late and Dad’s just getting the snacks ready. Also, there’s no cake. Sorry.”

Celeste laughed. “That’s okay. Mrs. Murphy made it clear that this wasn’t a birthday party.”

Noa closed his eyes and massaged his temples. He couldn’t tune them out. They just kept talking and talking, even as they went to the kitchen and got drinks.

“Noa?” Peter asked, poking his head out after a moment. “Do you want anything to drink?”

Noa shook his head, dropping his hands.

“Are you okay? Do you have a headache?” Peter asked.

Noa shook his head again.

“All right… If you’re not feeling okay, let me know,” Peter told him.

Peter disappeared back into the kitchen, but only for a moment. Soon, they were all coming back into the living room with food and drinks, arranging everything on the coffee table. Noa didn’t want to look at any of it, feeling too sick to even think about eating or drinking.

“Hi, Noa.”

Celeste sat down next to him. Noa leaned away from her.

Celeste made Noa feel…weird. She was a nice person, kind and gentle, and in a strange way she reminded him of Amber. Celeste and Amber had been best friends so maybe that was all there was to it. At the same time, just talking to her made Noa feel guilty. It was a little like talking to Jesse only…very different.

“How are you doing?” Celeste asked.

Noa ducked his head down and rubbed the back of his neck, curling away from her. He didn’t want to talk to Celeste, didn’t want to face her. He honestly wished that only Rion was coming over today.

But Danny said he was friends with Rion. They must have reconnected. Which meant Danny should be here too. And if Danny was going to be here, why not everyone else? Noa could only be so selfish before his self-loathing and guilt ate away at him.

“Are you sure you don’t want anything to drink?” Celeste asked. “We have root beer. I know it’s your favourite.”

Noa shook his head.

“Okay then,” Celeste said, giving him the lightest, gentlest touch on his shoulder. “Just let us know if you need anything, okay? And I know this isn’t a birthday party, but…happy birthday, Noa.”

Noa scrunched his eyes shut and let out a long breath. But that breath hitched, and he choked on it when the doorbell rang again.

He half-gagged as he hurried to stand. Celeste put a hand on him to try and stop him, probably worried. All she did was stall him in his attempt to beat Peter to the door. Peter got there first and Noa joined him a second after shrugging off a concerned Celeste.

Peter pulled the door open and there was Rion.

Noa stood, wide eyed, taking him in.

Rion hadn’t changed that much. He was still short, about the same height as Noa. His dark hair was shaggier, a little more unkempt than when they were kids. Rion was still pretty– No, he was prettier than Noa remembered. He’d always had a face with softer features. Instead of growing out of them, he’d grown into them.

However, drawing all Noa’s attention was Rion’s black eye.

It stood out, not just because it was an awful, dark bruise or because he was as pale as Noa. Rion had heterochromia. His right eye was green, and his left eye was hazel. The black eye brought out the difference in eye colour even more, making his hazel eye look like a side effect of his injury rather than just a normal part of him.

“Rion…” Noa said, the name squeezing in his throat. “Your eye…”

Then Noa realized that Rion was staring at him with equal intensity. He was startled at the sound of Noa’s voice, his back going rigid. His lips parted and then he offered an awkward open-mouthed half smile.

“I got into a fight,” Rion said.

“Hi, Rion,” Peter added.

“Oh. Hi,” Rion said, turning to Peter like he was seeing him for the first time. “I… Sorry. Um… Hey. I know it’s not a birthday party, but…uh…”

There was a large gift bag in his hands, Noa realized. Rion was turning it around, fidgeting with the handle.

“I’m sure it’s fine,” Peter said, but he turned to Noa when he did, side-eyeing him. Noa blinked and then nodded. “Come on in, Rion. Want something to drink?”

“Ah…maybe water?” Rion said. His gaze flicked back to Noa. “Um…happy birthday, Noa.”

For one very brief moment, Noa didn’t care about anything else. He had a sudden, burning urge to pull Rion into a tight hug and never let go. He scrunched his eyes shut and blinked them open fast. He forced the feeling away.

“Thanks,” Noa said. “I… I’m really happy that you came, Rion. Thank you.”

Rion smiled. He really smiled. “Thanks for having me over. I’m happy to be here too.”

He reached up with his free hand but then quickly swapped, offering the bag to Noa instead. Noa accepted it.

“Thank you,” Noa said again.

His voice was wavering. He forced himself to turn away and headed back into the living room. His heart was throbbing in his chest and his head was light.

Rion was here. He really came after all. This was real.

Noa’s mind was racing. He was giddy. He couldn’t tell if he felt relieved, excited or something else. All of his feelings were a muddled mess.

Peter shut the front door and Rion followed them, glancing around the room.

“Hey,” Rion greeted everyone.

“Hey, Rion!” Danny said, waving as he got up.

He welcomed Rion with an immediate big hug, just like he had with Celeste. Rion hugged him back.

Noa was instantly jealous.

“It’s good to see you,” Celeste added as Danny and Rion pulled apart. Peter, meanwhile, slipped into the kitchen. “It’s been a really long time.”

“Yeah. It’s great that you could come,” Jesse added.

“Thanks,” Rion said.

Noa reached out and grabbed Rion by the arm with his free hand. Rion turned, doing a double take, but Noa pulled gently, steering Rion to the couch. He sat down, tugging Rion into the seat next to him.

“Noa?” Rion said in confusion.

“Sit with me,” Noa told him.

“Noa was super excited to see you,” Danny said, grinning. “I guess he wants bonding time with his best friend.”

“Best friend…?” Rion said and then looked at Noa, his expression both doubtful and hopeful. “Are we still best friends?”

“Yes!” Noa said adamantly but then froze. “Unless…you don’t want to be?”

“I do!” Rion said. He was smiling widely again, relief evident. “I really do. I just thought that maybe… I don’t know. It’s been so long. Maybe you didn’t want to be friends anymore.”

“I’ll always want to be friends,” Noa assured him. “Always. No matter what.”

Rion let out a small laugh, turning away. His face was getting flushed and he was blinking rapidly. Noa wasn’t sure if he was flustered or trying to blink back tears.

“That’s… That makes me really happy,” Rion said.

“It only makes sense that you’re still friends, right?” Danny added. “You two have always been inseparable.”

“It’s great to have everyone back together,” Jesse added. “Well…except for Sarina…”

“Work in progress,” Danny said dismissively. “I’ll sort that out.”

“Hey, Noa,” Peter said as he came back with a water for Rion, handing it to him. “Are you going to open your present?”

Noa was still holding the gift bag, though the bottom was resting at his feet. It was heavy but honestly, he didn’t care about it. He was far happier just sitting next to Rion. The present didn’t matter.

He shrugged.

“Yeah, open it,” Danny said. “It’s not a birthday party or anything. We’re just hanging out and being casual so you can go for it, Noa.”

“I’m a little curious about it myself,” Celeste added. “And I feel a little guilty for not getting anything…”

“Don’t worry about that,” Peter said quickly. “It’s Noa’s birthday but we’re just hanging out. He doesn’t like presents.”

“You can open it whenever you want, Noa,” Rion added. “It’s nothing all that special. I just thought…it was something you should have.”

Noa huffed. All the attention was on the bag so he was going to have to open it now. There wasn’t any tape at the top so he reached in, pushing aside some coloured tissue paper and grabbing hold of…a binder?

Blinking, Noa pulled it out. He recognized what he was holding immediately. It was an old, beat up, blue binder that was filled to the brim, bits of string, ribbon, and coloured paper poking out the sides.

“Is that Rion’s old scrapbook?!” Danny exclaimed.

“It is!” Celeste chimed in. “Oh, wow! Are you okay to give that to him, Rion?”

“Yeah,” Rion said, his voice cracking slightly. “I don’t… I don’t really use it anymore. It was just collecting dust in my closet. I thought that maybe… It seemed like something I should give to Noa.”

Noa smiled as he ran a hand over the cover. The words ‘RION’S BINDER’ were scrawled childishly across the front in permanent marker. There were old bits of glue and marker half scrubbed off the front. It was old, dirty, and creased from years of being dragged around by Rion as a kid.

The smile faded from Noa’s lips as he flipped it open.

The first few pages were from before Rion and Noa had met. They were personal, pictures of Rion’s family glued to looseleaf and cardstock with childishly scrawled descriptions for each and some notes from his parents who had helped him put it together. There were a few cut out articles from events glued in, notes about things Rion had done with his parents…

It was weird to see a tiny, child Rion with his mother. Especially since Noa never met her. She was a beautiful woman, with dark hair, green eyes, and a warm smile. Rion took after her.

After the early pictures, there was a time gap. Noa knew why. Rion’s mother had died. Things had changed for him. He probably lost interest in his scrapbook project or been too overwhelmed by grief.

Noa knew what that was like.

Turning the pages, he was soon greeted with a picture of a younger version of himself and Rion. It was one that the Murphys had taken from Noa’s first couple weeks of school in Misty Meadows.

The picture was from around the time when Noa moved in with his aunt and uncle and it was obvious. He was skinny and pale, a faded yellow bruise on his neck, and his hair was cut in this weird, almost bowl-cut style. He was just barely smiling, holding up the corner of a poster board for their science project on batteries, Rion grinning and holding up the other side.

Noa remembered. He had a fractured rib that was still healing at the time. He could barely do anything without some part of his body hurting. And he had been new in town – a hot topic of gossip. People were constantly whispering about him and his abusive dad.

The teacher had partnered him with Rion for their science project. Rion was a little shy, but they’d started talking and become best friends almost instantly. They had a lot in common and Rion never judged him like everyone else did.

Noa flipped through more pages, all of them filled with happy memories. There were old ticket stubs from plays and movies, little drawings and sketches, pieces of things that Rion would tape onto a page like Double Bubble comics and stray receipts. And Rion had little captions for everything, an explanation as to why each thing was preserved in the binder.

There were pictures of their other friends and of Amber too. Noa traced his fingers over one of her with her arms around both Rion and Noa, all three of them laughing, ball caps askew on their heads. Peter was in the background, collapsed on a bench. It was from a time when they’d gone on a road trip. They went on a hike and ended up half sunburnt and sweaty but Noa remembered having a lot of fun.

Noa took a breath and it caught. His vision swam with tears and he hurried to blink them away.

“I can’t take this, Rion,” he said, looking up.

He realized then that everyone was crowded around them. They’d been looking at the scrapbook with him. They’d probably all been commenting and talking, but Noa had been so absorbed that he didn’t even notice until now.

“Please, it’s yours,” Rion said. “Like I said, it’s collecting dust. I want you to have it.”

Noa shook his head. He couldn’t. It was too valuable – too precious.

“It’s a gift, Noa,” Jesse said. “If Rion wants to give it to you, it’s okay. You’ll take good care of it.”

Noa knew that wasn’t true. He shook his head harder and closed the binder. He couldn’t take care of anything. He would end up wrecking it.

“If you really don’t want it…” Rion began, reaching for the binder.

Peter stepped in and scooped the binder out of Noa’s hands.

“I’ll give it to Mom and Dad,” he said. “They can put it away for now. It’s fine.”

“But…” Noa started to say. The words caught in his throat. It was better to go along with it. “…Okay.”

Peter went to find Uncle Charlie, hurrying off with the binder in his grip.

Rion was watching Noa, frowning in concern.

“Sorry,” Rion said. “I wasn’t trying to… I just thought you should have it.”

“I'll wreck it,” Noa said, looking down at his lap.

He couldn’t look at Rion. He was ashamed. He was being offered something so precious and he just knew what would happen if he kept it.

“You wouldn’t do that!” Danny said. “You’re so careful with that kind of stuff.”

Noa shook his head. He wasn’t afraid of wrecking it accidentally. He was afraid of wrecking it intentionally.

“Peter will make sure it’s put away safe,” Jesse added. “It’s okay, Noa.”

“I can always take it back if you want,” Rion said. “But I trust you with it, Noa. If you wreck it, that’s okay. It’s yours now.”

Noa wanted to shake his head again but he didn’t want to keep talking about it. He knew the truth. He knew what kind of person he was. Noa couldn’t trust himself.

“I’m sorry,” Noa said, squeezing his eyes shut.

“That’s okay,” Danny said. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

There was a soft tug at the edge of his sleeve. Noa opened his eyes a crack and saw that it was Rion, who’d pinched a fold in his hoodie to get his attention. He was leaning forward, staring at him with a searching gaze.

Up close, it was painful to look at that black eye. It looked like it really hurt.

“Are you okay?” Rion asked.

Noa nodded.

He wasn’t okay. He felt terrible and guilty. But Rion was here and he was worrying about him. It gave Noa a small sense of comfort and relief for the briefest moment before the guilt swallowed everything again. He shouldn’t be worrying Rion. He shouldn’t…

Noa pulled his arm free. He pushed himself up out of his seat.

“Can I show you something?” Noa asked.

Rion looked up at him, blinking.

“Uh…sure?” he said, getting up.

“What do you want to show us?” Danny asked.

Noa pressed his lips together in a thin line. Wasn’t it obvious that he only wanted to do things with Rion? He didn’t have anything he cared to show to Danny…

Then again, he had agreed to inviting everyone over. It wasn’t like he was showing Rion anything he was trying to hide…

He decided to ignore everyone else, reaching out and taking Rion by the hand. He gave his arm a tug and moved his feet, pulling Rion towards the stairs. Rion allowed himself to be led along but he still seemed confused.

“Let’s go to my room,” Noa said.